5. Jesus our top priority
As you all know, I have been studying for my ordination. Writing papers were hard and preparing for the test was a lot of
pressure for me. It was because I did not want to fail on this one, just as I failed on my licensure tests (Twice. What?) so I
did try to focus on preparing ordination. And I have made a bad decision while preparing. I have given up praying to God
and reading His Words. That’s right. To become a pastor, I have given up my way of having relationship with Jesus in prayer
and reading His Word so that I could pass.
I thought God would understand. I was busy. I did not want to fail. I had to PASS. But somehow, I believe God wanted to
teach me some lesson through this time and know what it truly means to pass before God.
First thing I learned was I could be so sinful before God. My mind was out of my ‘mind’, which means my heart was full of sin.
Especially, I was trapped with anger and lust. I also tried to lie to my wife. (which was a small one, but I almost never lie to
my wife.) also, I noticed that I lost the clear vision that God has given me for His church. When I pray and read His Word, I get
to be focused on God and His Vison for His church. But since my mind was full of sin, I could not focus on God and His Vision.
Ministry became a burden for me. My Sunday routines were just another ‘going through the motions’. I felt ashamed before God,
my wife and you all for my poor decision-making. And it made me to worry if my bad decision led you to make the same kind
of bad decisions as well.
Without Jesus, we can do nothing. It seems like we are accomplishing things, but in the long run, we are not. We may think God
would understand if we miss one prayer time, one reading His Word, one worship service and etc. but let’s look closely. We are
losing far more than we think or imagine. Yes, we stay under God’s grace, but it does not mean it’s okay to push Jesus as our last
resort, putting Him in a little ‘Genie jar’, and take Him out only when we need Him when it is ‘emergency’.
Jesus wants us. He wants a genuine relationship, and He deserves to be our priority. He died on the cross to save us. We mean that
much to Him. So, let’s put Him where He needs to be in our lives today.
Neal Lee